You already know the answer of this blog post. You already know how to start something when you're scared shitless, crying in the bathroom, and downing as many Guinnesses as your bartender will pour you (... maybe that's just me).
You start the damn thing anyway.
But my guess is that, since you're here, you need some working-up courage. So here's my story that may or may not be motivational - you decide.
This is a business I was scared to start.
So let's talk about fear.
I appreciate the place of fear in my life. It's not something to ignore - usually, I take it as a sign that I'm doing something right and that I just need to keep pushing. Usually, I know exactly where fear lives in my mind, heart, and those parts of my body that get tense with all the pent-up fear and angst, like my hips and shoulders. Fear doesn't run my life (anymore - more on that later).
So... realizing that I wasn't starting a business I was passionate about because I was scared to come out in my truth? Embarrassing. Not cool.
Also: realizing that I wasn't getting Girlboss Woo off the ground because I was scared of what people in my life would think if they knew I did tarot? NOT COOL JEANNA VERY EMBARRASSING
See, I like scary things, and I like challenging people in my life to accept those scary things.
In the last five years, I've got straight-married, straight-divorced, come out as queer, started a Ph.D. program, left a Ph.D. program after four years, and - perhaps most difficult of all- shucked off the remnants of the conservative Christian faith of my upbringing and started a journey of spiritual self-determination. Oh, and my partner and I just moved to New York City on a complete whim. I'm 28, but the last few years have held a tremendous amount of upheaval and opportunity for soul-searching.
Also? In the last year, I launched a business in an industry I knew nothing about, without any money or business background. Bluestockings Boutique is the first ever lingerie boutique geared to the LGBTQIA+ community, cause I figured that it wasn't worth waiting around five more years to see if a lingerie retailer might decide to be queer- and trans-inclusive.
Basically, I do Scary Shit on the regular. So why was I hiding from Girlboss Woo when the idea had bit me in the ass and wouldn't let go?
Cause it's woo-y, y'all. And in spite of my best efforts, I still care about what people think, and what my mother thinks, and if this kind of business is gonna be too much for the people in my life who've held on through the complete roller coaster of the last few years.
Maybe you can relate.
But my guess is that you can also relate to the desire to honor your desires, hopes, and dreams - especially the ones that manifest in such explicit detail.
So, back to the beginning of this blog post. How do you start something when you're scared?
Y'all know this already.
You do it anyway.
I recently did a tarot reading for someone, and when I was talking out the reading, I said A Thing that hit me, hard:
"The amount we fear risk is directly proportional to how much we trust ourselves."
So my question for you today is, how much are you trusting yourself, in spite of the fear? (Personally, I think we should all trust ourselves more because we are afraid. As Liz Gilbert wrote in Big Magic, the only people she knows who aren't afraid are sociopaths and adventurous toddlers.)
And finally, an affirmation for you, and for me, today:
@@I am brave in ways I haven't even begun to show myself.@@
P.S. One of those funny coincidences that isn't a coincidence: tonight, I had a tarot reading with someone for the first time, and she told me (verbatim) "Stop being a chickenshit." This post hadn't gone up yet. Message received, universe. Message received.